November 11th, 2009
|12:40 am - I'll be willing to dance, just for your eyes.|
it shouldn't be hurting. and yet it is :'(
I feel like letting myself go numb infrontve the telly now, stuffing a tub of icecream down my throat.
let out: I shouldve never ever ever asked him to stop calling me sweetheart. what was I thinking? It was a huge mistake. I asked the guy who called all the way from U.S just cause he wanted to hear my voice to stop being nice to me, to stop talking to me, to stop those sweet talks, to completely cut me out of his life. the worst part is, he respected me, and just stopped immediately cause I claimed it was "uncomfortable". ?! ?!
now we barely talk. God, please send someone like him to me again. ;'( or better yet, send him back to me D':
November 10th, 2009
|01:09 am - that is a sight to behold.|
My knee is terribly aching.
I want this so bad that I'm breaking. I can feel every living molecule of me wanting this, wanting to strive, wanting to be perfect. but unable to. the feeling sucks doesnt it? I will not portray this seemingly confident person anymore.
I can't picture myself living life without this, yet I my mind keeps telling me to give up. but hold it, what was it that Ive once said? "nothing is better than this. no feeling can ever outshine this feeling I feel, this feeling that possesses me. It's all worth it, it will be, till the very end."
October 27th, 2009
|12:31 am - a little too fantastic for comfort.|
I'm literally exhausted from dance class,
and I already know I'll be reluctant to go to school tomorrow.
dance was pretty good earlier on, really got those rusty hips movin' and swingin' and rotating and, i dont wanna go on. Good exercise, but not enough. what's wrong with me? nothing's ever good enough for me. and lemme say, I did prettay good for the dance exam, but of course, I WAS NOT SATISFIED. came back and cried all my feelings out over the phone with K. it really is such a lie you know, all the friends there. sure you have friends, but when things start to heat up, the competition starts. and ugh, it's ugly. betrayal? check. all those unpredictable stuff happening? of course. neh, nuff bout that eh (: I've moved on a tad bit. Flatted today when someone said I dance well :D it was nice meeting him (: he seemed abnormally friendly but hey, friendly people.. I LOVE (:
and Ive been making this nonsensical to do list in my head. 39 on my real list, and a dozen more in my head. I've only got one done.
I spent almost an hour with Pei running upndown finding teachers to bring us to the dance room D: and oh we were so damn delighted when we heard "but the primaries are using this room, and we need the whole dance floor, you can't practice at the back." ugh. SHE NEEDED THE WHOLE DANCE FLOOR, OH PLEASE.
anyway, library was our place to be. R showed me all these yummy recipes that made me feel like cancelling my plans to go on a diet. ah garh, couldnt stand the boredom so went home early instead (:
I'm off. the bed does look tempting. ganight. xx
October 17th, 2009
|02:53 pm - I've lost my ability to blush ever since.|
I CAN'T WAIT TO GET STARTED ON THE MUSHROOM RISOTTO! I saw vids and pics & websites late that night, and boy is it mouth watering. I went to bed starving.
oh crap, its raining and I'm home alone. I have an issue with being home alone while raining. it scares me. reminds me of horror movies :/ I once got so scared that I had to stay on the phone with my bestfriend for about 1hour+.
so, how's life going? mundane. when life gets mundane, it gets me thinking. And usually my thoughts can be disturbing. okay, shit, not a creepy kinda disturbing, but disturbing as in I think about all my regrets and stuff. yeah. but I swear, IM A HAPPY PERSON! :D heh. Little things in life would get me all ecstatic. can't wait to hit the pool & have a picnic with Farah. I havent done hardcore camwhoring in ages. and I mean ages. eventhough Im not camwhore material, nevertheless I love the whole idea :D
Is it me, or did this year just literally pass by twice as fast as the past few years? and thinking about the past few years, I have not gotten a real, full, with candles on top kinda birthday cake. I've seen so many of em icons of cakes & cupcakes & whatnot, the thought of making my own "delightful" cake for my bday is slightly occuring right now :D i love food.
I feel like doing some addmath:/ extremely weird huh. I've been warned too many times by my teacher. "ADD MATH WILL KILL YOU! YOU BETTER DO EXERCISES DURING THE HOLS! EVEN THE ONES THAT ARE GOOD AT MATH FAIL SOMETIMES!" not that I'm unbelievably good at algebra right now, but i'd like to at least have a rough idea of how much of a pain addmath is :)
I've not been sleeping past 1 for about a week and a half! :D I was doing so good, rise&shine thing going on, proud of myself, and last night killed it. see what icons & banners do to me! THEY ARE REALLY TOO LOVELY!
I'll be right back when there's interesting stuff going on. or not. either way, I'll still be writing down nonsense. (: xx.
October 16th, 2009
|11:33 am - I will not stop chasing my dream, until the spotlight is on me.|
told ya (;
it has been 2 & a half days since the last paper and honestly, MY DAYS HAVE NEVER BEEN THIS BORING. I was fking excited before all the exams were over, busy making plans when i should've been studying, but now, I'm too lazy to even make a list of what I wanna do. I don't feel any "sweet sensational feeling" either. maybe not just yet (:
But I'm extreeeemely looking forward to my dance exam next tuesday :DD can't wait to put on the dress, the makeup, the heels, & blow the judge's mind ;). *fingers crosse* Anyway, I went for the trials just 2 days ago, failed to impress. i really need more practice huh, sometimes i can't keep up with the speed. By the time I did my last dance, I felt like I was slowly dying already. My initial plans were to go exercise everyday after exams and get some stamina (cause right now I really don't have much), & hopefully by next tuesday, I wouldn;t die so quickly. but yeah, most of my plans never really work out that much :/ My friends and I got back our result sheets shortly after, i dont mean to brag but im glaaad that I got the highest *ahem* the feeling was weird. I was dissatisfied with myself, but yet I was happy too about the results D: I've been longggging to get a funny remark ever since 2 yrs ago, and I've finally got one! okay, fine. It wasn't that funny. but at least it was something different (: I gotta stop looking so tense while I dance. even when I'm dead out of breath, I still gotta flash a big fake smile. eh, how wonderful.
I'M MADLY ADDICTIED TO COOKING GAMES! excuse me if it sounds corny but OH YES IT IS ADDICTING.
pimples are popping out at the most inappropriate time. I'll be trying out some home remedies and they better freaking work. I can never restrain myself from touching my face, I can never resist spicy semi-oily food either (: I miss talking to Alastair! heh, especially our long phone calls. USED to have long phone calls. but er, it stopped. phone bills. Anyhoooo, Imma leave now, xxx.